if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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