We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
