Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
