Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Terrible idea I love it
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
