nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
