She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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