I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
