She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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