I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
