swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
as a side note pls kill me
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
