I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
