Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Four minutes until I can fart!
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
