Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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