Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
