I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
