I think i peed on brittanys purse
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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