3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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