john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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