talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
