I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
