They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
