Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Randomize
