He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
