Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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