is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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