Where is the hickey?
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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