i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
