Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
