She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
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