never play flip cup with pint glasses
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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