Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Randomize
