Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
