I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
