i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
