I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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