Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
