Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
