Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
