Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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