I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
