you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I yelled at your uterus for you.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
