I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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