Ambien. No doubt about it.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
