Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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