I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
