he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
This is my life. Enjoy the view
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
