Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
