can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
