I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
