it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
