Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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